Taub Judah Entertainment Palace

You can accuse Nicki Minaj of many things; having an expense account at the My Little Pony wig shop, deliberately encouraging Will.I.Am; but you can’t deny her ferocious work rate. SShe just seems to pop up EVERYWHERE at the moment. On her own songs, on other people’s songs…I wouldn’t put it past her to invent a time machine and go back and offer her services on every recording session which ever happened anywhere, with everyone from the Beatles to Napalm Death suddenly getting a honeyed rap about how great she is at her job.

In fact, we’re getting perilously close to a situation where every new song has to have an alternate version which features a guest verse from the ‘Naj. This one certainly does. It’s as if she is basically tuning into the Top 40 every week, and singing along, just like you are. Only she doesn’t get interrupted by younger siblings, and you don’t have the hair.

(Here’s the video. You can’t park that bike there!)

Now, the first thing to say about this song is that a lot of people are unsure as to how to spell the title. I’ve seen ‘Hold Yuh’ (in America), ‘Hold Ya’ and the more grammatically correct, but less sonically accurate ‘Hold You’. This is just an unfortunate side effect of Gyptian’s accent, which is brilliantly thick and treacly on record, but loses something in translation when written down.

Why, I myself have been struggling to find a way to capture a written version of the best moment of the song – the last line of the chorus, basically – which doesn’t render it either stiff and starchy, or worse, embarrassingly Groovy Dad. Nothing kills the fun of a new song like a Groovy Dad doing a bad impression, just to prove that he’s still ‘got it’.

Here’s what I’ve come up with so far: “Gal you give me the tightest hold me ever get inna my life”

That’s the good bit. That’s the bit which should, if you’re at all won over by this tightly circling spiral of a song, melt you a bit. That’s the bit where Gyptian’s honest wail should take you back to a time when someone gave you the best hug of all time; a hug so astonishing that even the memory of it can still wobble the knees.

As a song, it does run out of itself towards the end, being so very heavily dependent on that one melty bit, and unable to wander too far away from it in case everyone else does too. But that’s OK, it’s a good enough melty bit to keep the attention long enough to do its job, and even if it pales over time, that’s nothing that can’t be fixed with a little bit of Nicki majic.

Download: Out now

www.gyptian.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

Blogcritics says: “Sugary melodies that can put listeners, or by the very least women, in the mood for love.”

The Reggae Review says: “Crossover, only in the sense of Gyptian breaking down the doors of so-called ‘Popular Music’ and forcing his way in without compromising.”

View full post on BBC – Chart blog

Let’s get the big thing out of the way first. This isn’t really called ‘Forget You’. It’s called something far ruder. ‘Forget You’ is the version of the song you can play on the radio/to your gran. It’s a song about telling someone to get the hecking chuff out of your face, forever more, and the most effective way of getting that point across is to uncork a bottle of swears.

This is because when you really want someone to go away because you cannot bear the sight of them, you WANT to be offensive. Sparing their finer feelings from the coarseness of your tongue is not a priority. It’s not Cee-Lo’s fault there’s a lack of truly combative mild swear words he could have used instead.

It does, however, leave him with a problem. ‘Forget You’, in its original incarnation, is a brilliant song. A palpable hit. But a hit that you can’t broadcast. Trouble is, editing out the offending word spoils the melody, and changing it entirely runs the risk of making the whole thing weird.

(Here’s the video. It’s clean.)

In a lot of ways it’s a shame this song wasn’t written or recorded in the UK, because we’ve got a couple of possible replacements which still carry a little bit of venom. Not enough to get you banned or anything, and still no replacement for THE word, but still, we’ve got options. ‘Stuff You’, for example, would work pretty well. Or ‘Eff You’: people would think they were being cussed out by Russell Brand.

There again, it’s really not in his interests to make ‘Forget You’ work as a song, because then it’s like saying he could’ve left out the F-bomb from the start. And clearly, this is not the case.

So, profanity issues aside. Let’s get back to the good news. Which is simply that this is an astonishing song, swears or no swears. An unashamed Motown revamp which is fit to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the very best of Motown songs. Which means it’s up there with the best pop music that has EVER BEEN MADE.

In a way this is no surprise. Cee-Lo has that kind of voice. He’s got the church and the dirty back alley in his throat, just like Marvin Gaye and Levi Stubbs and Smokey Robinson did. If he had done nothing but ‘Crazy’ by Gnarls Barkley, he’d be assured of pop immortality, but give him the Plan B production treatment and a song from Bruno Mars – a man who can do no wrong at the moment – and…and… is there anything better than pop immortality? He’s that. Doubled. SQUARED. TIMES INFINITY. INFINITY SQUARED. PLUS ONE!

There is literally NOTHING wrong with it. From the testifying verses to the heavenly chorus to the theatrical breakdown and back, every second is crammed with perfect detail and each moment hits like an addictive kick in the ear. I’m kind of addicted to the bit where he sings “I pity the FOOOOOOOOOL who falls in love with you”…and the bit where the choir goes “AAAH” in the chorus…and the bit where he wails “WHYYYYY! WHYYYYY!”…

Basically, it’s all brilliant. The clean version is brilliant, and the sweary version is brilliant plus one. Squared.

Download: Out now

www.ceelogreen.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

View full post on BBC – Chart blog

True fact: This song made Fearne Cotton cry. Out of her EYES, dammit!

It all happened on the Sky 1 sort-of-like-the-X-Factor-but-the-judges-are-all-off-Later-With-Jools musical talent show Must Be The Music. You all know the setup by now. Three judges, a big audition arena show, a presenter backstage talking to the acts before they go on. Two girls walk up to Fearne, who is basically the ‘Dermot’ in this situation. One is called Katie Pepper and the other is called Emma, she plays the piano, hence the name. They are from Manchester and they are excited and nervous.

Emma reveals she has had some troubles in her life, and that making music with Katie has helped her pull herself together. They then take to the stage. Then The Magic happens:

Instead of performing an off-key version of an Alicia Keys song, or even a bland re-write of an even blander recent pop ballad, Emma strikes up some dour chords, and then Katie opens her mouth and sings up a great big bruise. A massive black-eye of a song. An ‘Everybody Hurts’ where literally everybody hurts.

(Can’t show you the video. Ad cooties.)

I don’t mean it’s painful to listen to, not in the sense that they’re doing anything musically wrong, at any rate. It’s just…blimey that’s an unsettling noise to hear coming out of a televised human face, isn’t it? Katie’s voice is closer to that of Antony (of …and the Johnsons fame) than, say, Leona Lewis, and although the song they’re playing is a little clunky and unvarnished (by the standards of yer slick Top 40 acts), it’s clearly a thing of substance, especially when sung like that.

Outside of the viciously-pigeonholed TV context, it would probably make less of an impact, a slightly wonky song, earnestly sung, by a lady with a boyishly deep, but operatically huge voice. But stick it in the middle of a silly old TV talent show and WHOAH!

The looks of shock and delight on everyone’s faces are perhaps similar to those you would see if you organised an imaginary dinner party, where you and your friends have dressed up smart, and gathered around an immaculately-laid table, only to spend the entire evening pretending to enjoy a sumptuous feast (more ghost beef, vicar?), with all the not-really-there trimmings…and then a latecomer arrives with real home-made trifle.

It might not be the finest trifle money can buy: some of the jelly hasn’t set properly and the custard is a little runny, and there are peanuts and raisins sprinkled all over the top, as a radical garnish. But you can’t deny that it is actual food.

Download: Out now

www.facebook.com/pepperandpianoofficial

(Fraser McAlpine)

View full post on BBC – Chart blog

Picture the scene: There’s a heated discussion taking place in the middle of a record company board room. Execs are hotly debating the release date of a new single, so that it can gain maximum exposure, reach as many ears as is humanly possibly and therefore drive people to the shops – real or virtual – in order to spend, spend, and once again spend.

The song plays quietly in the background, although it clearly has not been made with quiet play in mind, which is proving to be a distraction. It is a boisterous, Caribbean-flavoured thing, boasting a childishly simple, sing-song chorus.

It also boasts a man called Laza shouting incoherently about seizures and propellers, and a relentless skull-crusher dancehall beat, played as if a Troll was attempting to swat a swarm of cocky gnats off the EastEnders drum kit with his fists. It is deliriously happy, to the point of being simple-minded, and conjures up instant images of warmth and sunshiney freedom in everyone that hears it.

And it is this last point which is causing the trouble.

(Here’s the video. It’s basically Eric Prydz for girls)

On one side of the table, people are shouting that a record this summary needs to be out in the height of, y’know, SUMMER. They’re yelling that it’s a perfect soundtrack for outdoor barbecues and beach parties, and as such, needs to be available to buy at the beginning of the holiday season. A song this happy, they fume, is perfect for the end of term, with long weeks of hot nothing stretching out before you, rather than the beginning of a new school year, with new shoes that pinch, new uniforms that itch, and nothing but extra homework, conkers and the faint promise of Christmas to look forward to.

On the other side, arms tightly folded, faces impassive, are the record company’s corporate wing, the brand-holders. Their argument is far less emotional. They simply point to a copy of a TV listings magazine with a big picture of Simon Cowell on the front, and the headline, “IT’S BACK!”, then re-fold their arms and wait.

There is then some quiet discussion and a brief glace at a contract which appears to have been signed with red liquid, and the debate is over. Autumn it is.

Download: 5th September

www.alexandraburkeofficial.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

Popjustice says: “We have liked all the Alexandra Burke singles so far and we like this one too.”

Pop Boi says: “The new video takes the cake on cheese-factor”

Swear I’m Not Paul says: “It’s chirpy but banal, and extremely unlistenable. Repeated listens only make it worse. “

View full post on BBC – Chart blog