Taub Judah Entertainment Palace

Mashup fans, I’ve a job for you. Someone needs to put the “na na nah” refrain from Kylie Minogue’s ‘Can’t Get You Out Of My Head’ under the verses to this song. It would please me, it works musically (same chords, y’see), and best of all, it would actually give the lyrics a bit of balance.

Here’s Bruno tearing his heart out, dropping that cocky ladies-man thing which over-sweetened ‘Just The Way You Are’ and pleading with his girl not to dismiss the depth of his feelings.

Of course, it’s still the same basic message, isn’t it? Both songs want to impress upon someone the desperate passion that Bruno feels towards them. And why not? People love to hear that stuff and Bruno’s a very giving man.

First he bestows upon his victim chosen one the gift of compliments. He thinks you’re amazing, you shouldn’t put yourself down so much, you’re perfect just the way you are, just to be around you is to know that life can hold no greater thrill, and this is something he will always feel, even when you’re old and saggy. After all, he’ll be old and saggy too.

(Here’s the video. That is NO WAY to deliver a piano.)

Sadly, over the course of the relationship, all of that positive energy, that giving, starts to curdle. A little voice at the back of his head is noticing that while he is very quick with the compliments, you tend to just beam, blush, and change the subject. Oh you always look happy to see him, that’s very clear, but not quite as happy as he is to see you.

Over time, this voice has gone from a disgruntled whisper to a full scream at the back of his mind. He’s still very generous, still keen to let you know that he adores you, but somehow he has started to obsess over the fact that it’s not really in your nature to say extravagent things back. Why can’t you do it? Why can’t you tell him that HE is amazing just the way he is? What’s stopping you?

Oh no…it can’t be…it’s because you don’t love him as much as he loves you, isn’t it? It turns out you have one tiny imperfection after all. Your heart is defective. It looks roomy enough, but there’s not quite enough space to fit Bruno in, in the way that he has filled his heart with you. He knows it, you know it. It’s bad news all round.

Suddenly, the compliments are starting to become more barbed, more desperate. You’re not perfect and amazing any more, you’re the person he would catch a grenade for, and it is plain as the nose on your pretty face that YOU WOULD NOT DO LIKEWISE. If someone tossed a grenade towards Bruno, you would duck under a table.

Never mind that a) this is perfectly rational behaviour and b) it might be a blessed relief to let him catch the grenade, what with all the shouting, the simple fact of the matter is that Bruno has given you everything, and all you can offer in return is your ridiculous claim to be amazing and perfect just the way you are. What rot. Whoever filled your head with such nonsense? HONESTLY!

So you can see how it would be nice to have an answering female voice, within all of this bitter breast-beating and finger-pointing, especially one singing “na na nah, na nah nu-nah nah.” Just seems fairer…

Incidentally, I maintain that there’s a mashup to be made of the original theme to the legendary kids’ TV show Grange Hill and Rage Against The Machine’s ‘Killing In The Name Of’. And one day I shall bother to prove this. What a day that will be, eh?

Download: Out now

www.brunomars.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

Radiopopaction says: “One of the best songs i’ve heard in a very long time!”

Planet Ill says: “Mars finds himself in an easy vocal range that allows him belt out his melancholy in a beautifully soulful way.”

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Just because someone is smiling, and saying something that appears to be affectionate, it doesn’t meant they’re being nice.

Olly Murs smiles a lot. He clearly thinks of himself as a warm, friendly, caring type of fella. Someone who is fun to be around, someone who knows that it’s the little things that really make a relationship. And very probably that is what he really is like. I’ve certainly seen no evidence to the contrary.

Except this song, obv. There’s something at the heart of this song which occupies the queasy middle-ground between a backhanded compliment and being a vengeful (or stalker) ex. And no amount of charm can quite cover it up.

(Here’s the video. It’s a load of bollards.)

Oh sure, it’s a perfectly sweet, reggae-tinged sort of a song. A sunshine skank through the dappled glades of Olly’s eternal optimism. But imagine you’re the girl the song has been written to. Imagine your ex is going around saying that everything you enjoy – from the shoes that you wear to the music you listen to – is evidence that you can’t get him off your mind. It is, in short, proof that you never got over him and really, after all the good times the two of you shared, why would you?

It might sound warm and reflective and loving when it leaves his mouth, but by the time it reaches you…not so much.

And to make matters worse, he’s gone on to say that he’s been talking about you with your friends, and he’s heard about your new boyfriend, and frankly, he’s not impressed. Oh sure, he’s probably a really nice guy, but is he a pop star? He is not. Does he wear a hat? Nu-uh. Can he dance on top of a fence and not fall off?

NO. AND IT IS FOR THIS REASON ALONE THAT HE IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU. IN FACT THERE IS ONLY ONE PERSON WHO HAS EVER BEEN GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, AND THAT IS OLLY MURS. BUT YOU CANNOT HAVE HIM BACK. EVEN THOUGH THIS IS CLEARLY WHAT YOU WANT MOST IN THE WORLD. HE HAS MOVED ON. EVEN THOUGH YOU CLEARLY HAVE NOT. SUCKS TO BE YOU! AND YOU KNOW IT. YES YOU DO. YES YOU DO.

Kinda curdles the good vibe, does it not?

Download: Out now

www.ollymurs.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

The Sound Radar says: “Still keeps that summery vibe regardless of the fact that summer is now over.”

Really Rich says: “Well they do say when it ain’t broken, don’t fix it.”

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Oh THERE it is! That’s what you lot were all banging on about when you said Diana was a different kind of reality TV contestant from the usual mob! Cos to be frank, I was starting to wonder if you were talking about someone else. I mean X Factor contestants are usually determined and passionate and all of that, but rarely quite as dogged and sure as this one, and what’s more, her struggles seem to have paid off.

That Diana Vickers has a solo career at all is some kind of triumph of her determined square-peggery in an industry which often demands their pegs to be not only round, but small enough to slip through the template hole without touching the side. She put her first single out long after the buzz around her X Factor appearances had passed. She put her second out, and it didn’t seem to do quite as well as the first. This is usually the point at which the story of an X Factor pop star fizzles out.

But not our Diana, oh no…

(Here’s the video. It is, in a very real sense, a rum do.)

And look what she came back with! To kick off the re-launch of her album, here’s a song which is all puff and swagger, pomp and nonsense, brassy and kick-assy, and a video which is pretty much Lady Gaga for kids. All of which are officially Good Things*.

Just about the only thing against it is that the production sometimes feels a bit anaemic for a song with quite this much spirit. Diana’s giving it the full “WHOOPS! BONKERS!” treatment, and the music, while arranged into an artful patchwork of trumpets and stutterdrums, doesn’t quite match the sheer what-the-hellery. We need timpanis! A marching band! Very very loud guitars! Explosions!

In fact, the bit where voice and music seem to be in closest alignment is the breakdown, which is almost entirely voices: a bank of Dianas, some of whom have been playing with helium. That’s a brilliantly confident thing to do, especially when followed with her Barbara Windsor-y “whoops-a-daisy” yelp. These are the kind of moves you pull when you don’t care how your song fits next to anyone else’s, and of course, that thought is always how you get to the good ideas.

AND it scores extra points for being the first Diana Vickers single to fail to mention death. Just at the point at which her career recovers from, well, the thing itself. Amazing.

Download: Out now

www.dianavickersmusic.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

* Apart from the album thing. That’s a bit ripe.

The Pop Web says: “Firmly puts to bed any lingering doubts we may have had that Diana Vickers is becoming a licence to print money.”

PopAnonymous says: “Huge props to Diana for not taking the electropop/Guetta/RedOne train, and instead choosing the more worthwhile trip.”

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Did anyone else have to suppress an involuntary shudder on first hearing this song? Did it worry anyone? Was anyone else’s immediate reaction to wonder where we are going with this imperious pop music thing, and exactly how much haughty, snarling distain you can cram into on three-minute pop song without it causing gas embolisms among the weak-hearted and poorly? I know mine was.

It’s not the fault of this song alone, but for some reason, recend developments in popular sound have pushed the humble pop song into scarily intense areas, and the long term health effects have yet to be fully explored. I mean listen to the pneumatic hiss at the heart of this song. Try and endure the pumping thrust without getting winded. There is simply too much pressure being stuffed into our ears, with too much brutal force. Heads are going to blow, you mark my words.

(Here’s the video. It’s peachy.)

And poor Rihanna doesn’t sound like she’s having a barrel of laughs either. She’s all wailing and crying about how she’d like to be treated by her fella, and demanding that anyone who wishes to take the job on be aware of this. She’s basically acting the Rapunzel, saying she definitely won’t let down her hair to just anyone. And particularly not someone who isn’t prepared to make the climb up to her scarily high window. She is very clear on this point.

So why, if the song wants to make us sad and the sound wants to blow us up, does this sound leave such a positive impression? Why is this preposterously dramatic noise something we choose to expose ourselves to on a regular basis, to the extent that we want it on while we’re shoppping, while we’re travelling, and even while we’re celebrating wonderful news?

Well, possibly it’s because pop music is supposed to act as a combined face-slap and back-rub. Its job is to electrify and support. This song is imperious and aloof, but it’s sung passionately and its message is timeless.

And anyway, whatever else you may think about Rihanna, she is very good at demanding that you listen to what she has to say, even if she has to hurt you in order to do it.

Download: Out now

www.rihannanow.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

The Man Crush Blog says: “All she does is twirl around, play with balloons and explore this red-tinted alien world of hers”

Hot On Internet says: “Sounds better and better every time we hear it.”

Common Sense Media says: “The singer’s vocals are also particularly strong in this song, finding her belting her heart out in the refrain, especially. “

View full post on BBC – Chart blog

I like the Wanted. I like that they’re a boyband at a time when boybands are supposed to be dead in the water. I like that the boyband they are most closely modelled on is the Take That of nowadays, which means they’re also modelled on recent Boyzone, but have skipped past the dinner jackets and mountain-standing of Westlife, AND the rippling torsos and pneumatics of JLS.

Most of all, I like that they’ve been working with songwriters who aren’t afraid to throw a few clever ideas into the mix, like that amazing “pieces/peace is” pun in All Time Low. What I’m not so sold on is this, their second single.

For starters, it suffers from being over-familiar before it’s even finished playing, because it’s yet another pop song which takes a fragment of melody and repeats it over a turnaround of doomy chords. For all that people like to claim that music is astonishing because there’s an infinite variety of musical ideas, this one trick does seem to keep coming back with depressing regularity.

(Here’s the video. It takes place in a time before popcorn.)

AND there’s that really strange bit where Jay has to sing “when I-I-EE-I-YIY talk to YOU-OU-EE-OO-OO on the PHOW-WOH-EE-OWN” in a rubbery voice. It sounds stretched and snoozy…and weird

In fact, the whole song sits in a strange tempo hinterland. Too slow for that pounding bass drum, too fast to realise the ambition someone has to make it into an epic ballad. And the vocals in the chorus seem to have been left a bit messy and ragged in places, and empty in others, which is a surprise because ‘All Time Low’ proved that they’ve got some talent in the throatal department.

Also, I’ve heard the album now, and I can, as they say in the papers, EXCLUSIVELY REVEAL that there are better songs on it. There’s one, right, which samples the theme music to the cowboy film The Good, The Bad and the Ugly, which you will probably know even if you do not know that you know it.

A challenging choice, I grant you, and not one which will meet with universal approval, but it’s STILL a better idea than releasing this strange song as a second single.

Download: Out now

www.thewantedmusic.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

Tom’s Listening To says: “It is assumed that the chorus is an emotional one of course, but each singer appears to tackle it in a different way. Max, for example, looks as if each word he sings brings back memories of a lost love, while Nathan is seen leaning back and grinning throughout.”

AAA Music says: “A dose of sickly sweet pop which seems to last longer on the tongue that it does in the mind. “

View full post on BBC – Chart blog

What is up with Katy Perry’s sense of timing? First she releases an album and a single on the same day, undermining the chart position of one with the success of the other; and now she’s jumpstarted the release of this, the third single to be taken from that self-same album, by appearing on the X Factor and FORCING people to go out and buy it in droves, before the video is even FINISHED!

Now she’s heading up the charts, as you would expect – the X Factor is quite a big show for promoting music, y’know – and the single’s official release date isn’t until November 15th. That’s a MONTH from now.

I suggest we all ignore the song for the next few weeks. Just pretend it isn’t there, no matter how hard Katy bellows in our ears. She has to sit back and wait for our attention, at the appropriate moment. She made the appointment in the first place, so we are just going to very calmly keep it, and not let her interrupt herself for once. She has to learn not to go off half-cocked.

You can go ahead and insert your own joke here, if you like.

(Here’s the preview of the video. It’s stately.)

When the time is right, we shall commend Katy on her enjoyable dance-pop direction. We shall say that her decision to work with the Stargate production team has been a good one. We shall point out that ‘Firework’ is uplifting and joyous in the best possible way, and note that her trademark whinnymoo has been channelled into the choral enormity of the, erm, chorus rather well.

We shall also note that, for all that she is capable of writing popular silly songs, like the one about popsicles, it’s the heart that rules music, not the funny bone. So we will be pleased to note how well sincerity suits her.

Oh, and on that issue of rushing things out before they’re properly finished…would some kind of ending have been too much to ask? A repetitive fadeout, maybe, or a build-up towards a peak of some kind. What happens is the song just…stops. It was there, and now it’s gone, leaving nothing behind but a planet filled with people who were dancing, and now suddenly are not.

It’s like a global game of musical statues, only there’s no prize.

And it begs the question; what if everyone was to take a similarly slapdash approach to their work? What if we were all in such a rush to get things out there that they didn’t really bother to finish things off properly? What if we all promised a rocket ship ride to the stars, before suddenly dropping everyone off at the moon?

Yeah, I know, it’d be brilliant. Bad example. OK, let’s call this one a draw.

Download: Out now

www.katyperry.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

Neon Limelight says: “A song about letting your inner awesomeness shoot across.”

Kayleya’s Blog says: “It’s hard to find a reason not to like her”

View full post on BBC – Chart blog

Did anyone else spot the huge conceptual joke going on at the heart of Joe McElderry’s comeback single? To have an X Factor winner releasing his first song outside of the safe glow of his victory, and for that song to have a chorus which goes “ambitions are already starting to fade”? Amazing.

If you thought the song was written on Joe’s behalf, you’d have to conclude that someone is trying to warn him to enjoy his time in the limelight while it lasts. Someone like STEVE BROOKSTEIN!

Actually, it wasn’t written for him, and in fact, if you’re from Norway, you’ll already be more than familiar with the song, as performed by Donkeyboy. It was at No.1 in your charts last year. No.1 for THIRTEEN WEEKS. Can you imagine? In terms of obvious song choice, that’s like the winner of the Norwegian X Factor doing a ‘We No Speak Americano’, if that song had stayed at No.1 for twelve more weeks than it did.

Of course, the McElderry version is slightly faster than the original, all the better to hurry the listener towards that lovely chorus. They’ve made a special feature of it, as Syco acts often do, by making it so much louder than the verses. That’s the production equivalent of putting big neon arrows on either side, with a sign saying “Astonishing Chorus Here!”.

(Here’s the video. You don’t often see columns with socks on, do you?)

Anyway, the song’s being released now because the X Factor is back on the telly. So here’s a brief chat I had with Joe earlier this week. Watch out, he gets fiery!

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ChartBlog: Hi Joe!
Joe: Hi how’s it going?

ChartBlog: Very well thank you. Is it nice to be promoting a single just because it’s out, rather than to try and beat another single in a chart race?
Joe: [laughing] Yeah it’s a bit of an easier ride this time.

ChartBlog: And is ‘Ambitions’ closer to the sort of music that you yourself would like to make? ‘The Climb’ was very much an X Factor winner’s song…
Joe: Yeah, definitely. DEFINITELY. That was why we made the conscious decision of choosing it, cos it’s a closer…well it IS the style I wanted to do. I’ve always wanted to have a song where I can move around on stage, have lots of dancers, things like that. So the fact that I’ve been able to do that, like a big performance aspect song, has been fantastic.

ChartBlog: And it’s a massive song in Scandanavia already, isn’t it? Donkeyboy’s original version was No.1 for thirteen weeks. THIRTEEN!
Joe: Yeah! Crazy isn’t it?

ChartBlog: You’re doing pretty well though. Didn’t your fans manage to crash the iTunes server?
Joe: Yeah it did! We’ll have to see what happens. I mean it’s a big week with big, big songs, so we’ll see. Fingers crossed. I’m not gonna get my hopes up for anything yet though.

ChartBlog: And the b-side ‘If You Love Me’ is heading up the charts too, isn’t it? That’s quite rare too.
Joe: Yeah! I heard about that! That’s climbing up really fast as well, isn’t it? That’s great!

ChartBlog: OK, so for every rockbore who claims they ended your career…what HAVE you been doing since Christmas?
Joe: Well I’ve basically been putting all my concentration and time into the album. Y’know, to make sure that it’s a strong album, and something that resented…resented?…REPRESENTED me, and something that I was proud of. I didn’t want to just rush something out and neither did the label. So I made the conscious decision of waiting like every other winner has in the past couple of years, and hopefully it’ll pay off.

ChartBlog: It makes a lot of sense for you to release your album now that the show is back on the TV and people are thinking about it again. Mind you, the media coverage of the show isn’t really about music at the moment…
Joe: Yes, and that’s getting on my nerves a bit, actually. Because I just think let them bloody sing the songs! Let them sing the songs and then once you get to know them as people, in a couple of week’s time, then people can have their opinions. But everybody’s being so horrible about them. I feel a bit sorry for them, y’know this Katie girl… and obviously Cher had it last week. Y’know give them a chance, they’re not used to any of this kind of stuff. I do feel a bit sorry for them, y’know. The press interest has gone a bit out of control this year.

ChartBlog: And if you do one really startling performance, like Cher did, there’s an expectation that they’ll do well, and then it becomes a story about pressure and…
Joe: …and then they start to try and knock her down.

ChartBlog: And really this is a TV show about singing. I know people’s emotions are very high, but it’s not life or death, and it shouldn’t feel like life or death, should it?
Joe: No, but also it means a lot to these contestants. And I think it’s hard enough getting up there in front of 14 million people and singing for the public – which is obviously what they want to do, and I loved doing that last year, I didn’t find that a chore. But to wake up the next day and have the newspapers slating you for every single move you made the night before, on the show. And they’re picking out, like you said, things that haven’t really got anything to do with the singing. And at the end of the day it is a singing competition. It’s supposed to be a fun, lighthearted entertainment show that gives people the opportunity of a lifetime. It should be fun. It should be all happy and positive.

ChartBlog: Is that what your album is like?
Joe: Well, it’s very similar to the single. A lot of uptempo…there’s a few ballads, not much. And it’s just fun, it’s fresh. I think it represents me as a person. I like to have fun on stage and I think that’s what it’s about really.

ChartBlog: Just like the hokey-cokey. OK, thanks Joe. Best of luck for Sunday!
Joe: Thank you! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye!

THE END

NOTE: He really did say “Bye!” four times.

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Joe McElderry is also available in website form…
And BBC Music form…

View full post on BBC – Chart blog

Sorry, I can’t seem to get my thoughts in order today. I should really have written this a while ago, but instead I find…I…er… Hmm? Oh right, right…

See, I’m trying as hard as I can, but something keeps pulling at the edges of my ability to focus…on…whaaaat…I’mmmm….sorry, what? Oh yes! I was just saying. Try as I might, I can’t seem to get it together to concentrate on the job of making words and sentences out of what happens when this song is playing because…because…it’s…just…

Does anyone else find Bruno Mars to be an unsettlingly handsome man? I don’t necessarily mean that he’s hot, that’s kind of a matter of personal taste, far more than whether someone counts as handsome or not, but c’mon, look at that picture! He’s just…so…so…

Bear with me, I’m just gonna tape something over that bit of my monitor.

(Here’s the video. “Oi! I was listening to that!”)

Right, now that’s done, I can crack on. *rubs hands together*

The thing with this song is it’s a massive cheeseball of a thing. It’s clearly been written by a man who wants to say all the right things to a girl, but is slightly hampered by a restricted view of what really makes love work. It’s fine to be bowled over by someone’s eyes or the way their hair sits on their head. It’s very understanding and empathic to realise that people often can’t take compliments, and it’s always, always nice to go on ahead and shower the compliments down like rain, regardless of that fact.

But this is a string of lines which someone believes Will Definitely Work On Women. And it’s been welded to a tune which is light, yearning and warm, a great big sad puppydog of a melody. OK, the song’s production is pushing it towards anthem status, to try and make as much of a heart-stopping climactic romance out of the lyric as possible.

Speaking of which, it’s also nice that Bruno sings it rather well. I can’t go into specifics without firing up the video again, and that’s just going to cause further delays, but let’s just say if you could plot a chart where the higher you forced your voice to go was an equivalent to how romantic you are, he’d right up there with Justin Bieber and Taio Cruz in the upper margin of the graph paper.

So what’s the problem? Oh, there isn’t one really. It’s just all a bit too good to be true, especially when you’ve somehow managed to tear your eyes away from that face. That’s assuming you CAN tear your eyes away, of course.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some gazing-in-awe to get back to.

Download: Out now

www.brunomars.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

Soul Culture says: “Not many can make an already great song sound even better, but Lupe Fiasco complements the song perfectly.”

View full post on BBC – Chart blog

True fact: This song made Fearne Cotton cry. Out of her EYES, dammit!

It all happened on the Sky 1 sort-of-like-the-X-Factor-but-the-judges-are-all-off-Later-With-Jools musical talent show Must Be The Music. You all know the setup by now. Three judges, a big audition arena show, a presenter backstage talking to the acts before they go on. Two girls walk up to Fearne, who is basically the ‘Dermot’ in this situation. One is called Katie Pepper and the other is called Emma, she plays the piano, hence the name. They are from Manchester and they are excited and nervous.

Emma reveals she has had some troubles in her life, and that making music with Katie has helped her pull herself together. They then take to the stage. Then The Magic happens:

Instead of performing an off-key version of an Alicia Keys song, or even a bland re-write of an even blander recent pop ballad, Emma strikes up some dour chords, and then Katie opens her mouth and sings up a great big bruise. A massive black-eye of a song. An ‘Everybody Hurts’ where literally everybody hurts.

(Can’t show you the video. Ad cooties.)

I don’t mean it’s painful to listen to, not in the sense that they’re doing anything musically wrong, at any rate. It’s just…blimey that’s an unsettling noise to hear coming out of a televised human face, isn’t it? Katie’s voice is closer to that of Antony (of …and the Johnsons fame) than, say, Leona Lewis, and although the song they’re playing is a little clunky and unvarnished (by the standards of yer slick Top 40 acts), it’s clearly a thing of substance, especially when sung like that.

Outside of the viciously-pigeonholed TV context, it would probably make less of an impact, a slightly wonky song, earnestly sung, by a lady with a boyishly deep, but operatically huge voice. But stick it in the middle of a silly old TV talent show and WHOAH!

The looks of shock and delight on everyone’s faces are perhaps similar to those you would see if you organised an imaginary dinner party, where you and your friends have dressed up smart, and gathered around an immaculately-laid table, only to spend the entire evening pretending to enjoy a sumptuous feast (more ghost beef, vicar?), with all the not-really-there trimmings…and then a latecomer arrives with real home-made trifle.

It might not be the finest trifle money can buy: some of the jelly hasn’t set properly and the custard is a little runny, and there are peanuts and raisins sprinkled all over the top, as a radical garnish. But you can’t deny that it is actual food.

Download: Out now

www.facebook.com/pepperandpianoofficial

(Fraser McAlpine)

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