Taub Judah Entertainment Palace

It’s OK, Alexandra, you can come out now. No point in skulking around the lower reaches of the charts for weeks on end, with your download sales and your softly-softly-catchee-monkey stealth attack on the Top 10, when you’re effectively melting faces with that heat-blast of a throat.

We know you’re there, we can hear you from Timbuktu to Tiverton, you’re rattling the paint off the walls in any case, so you might as well come out and say hello to everyone.

What’s that? You’re a little too upset to be friendly right now? You’re all caught up in emoting, and wailing, and attempting to dissolve your bad boyfriend using the erosive power of bellowing alone? Well, alrighty then, you go for it…

Ber-LIME-y, you ARE fed up, aren’t you chicken? That man you’re shouting at has left you in a serious funk, hasn’t he? And you’re clearly in a place where it’s become necesarry to scream your aggravation to the uncaring clouds above, in order to take the lid off of quite a lot of pent-up frustration. And you’ve brought some friends along too, to form a choir. I’m guessing they will largely be women who have similar problems with their menfolk, if their rolling, boiling harmonies are anything to go by.

Luckily there are men in your life you can rely on. That RedOne, for example. Look how supportive he has turned out to be. He’s only gone and made you a sympathetic, synthetic, symphonic sonic comfort zone in which you can express these troubled feelings in total safety and without fear of mockery. He’s furnished it with soft, peaceful colours, very tastefully done. Nothing too bright and intrusive, apart from one clod-hopping drum beat. That’s a true friend, right there.

I wonder, though. If your man did suddenly turn around and say “oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you were this upset. I DO love you after all”, well would that make everything alright? What kind of relationship do you have if you have to throw a tantrum quite this big in order to get some affection? A rubbish one, that’s what.

OK? Feel better now? *hugs*

Right, off you pop then.

Download: Out now

www.alexandraburkeofficial.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

Diva Devotee says: “Her voice certainly has matured, sounding stronger and richer than when she was a contestant on the show.”

Music Reviews 10 says: “I expected a lot more from the video though. At least the song is good..”

Kat says: “aggrosantos”

View full post on BBC – Chart blog

Picture the scene: There’s a heated discussion taking place in the middle of a record company board room. Execs are hotly debating the release date of a new single, so that it can gain maximum exposure, reach as many ears as is humanly possibly and therefore drive people to the shops – real or virtual – in order to spend, spend, and once again spend.

The song plays quietly in the background, although it clearly has not been made with quiet play in mind, which is proving to be a distraction. It is a boisterous, Caribbean-flavoured thing, boasting a childishly simple, sing-song chorus.

It also boasts a man called Laza shouting incoherently about seizures and propellers, and a relentless skull-crusher dancehall beat, played as if a Troll was attempting to swat a swarm of cocky gnats off the EastEnders drum kit with his fists. It is deliriously happy, to the point of being simple-minded, and conjures up instant images of warmth and sunshiney freedom in everyone that hears it.

And it is this last point which is causing the trouble.

(Here’s the video. It’s basically Eric Prydz for girls)

On one side of the table, people are shouting that a record this summary needs to be out in the height of, y’know, SUMMER. They’re yelling that it’s a perfect soundtrack for outdoor barbecues and beach parties, and as such, needs to be available to buy at the beginning of the holiday season. A song this happy, they fume, is perfect for the end of term, with long weeks of hot nothing stretching out before you, rather than the beginning of a new school year, with new shoes that pinch, new uniforms that itch, and nothing but extra homework, conkers and the faint promise of Christmas to look forward to.

On the other side, arms tightly folded, faces impassive, are the record company’s corporate wing, the brand-holders. Their argument is far less emotional. They simply point to a copy of a TV listings magazine with a big picture of Simon Cowell on the front, and the headline, “IT’S BACK!”, then re-fold their arms and wait.

There is then some quiet discussion and a brief glace at a contract which appears to have been signed with red liquid, and the debate is over. Autumn it is.

Download: 5th September

www.alexandraburkeofficial.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

Popjustice says: “We have liked all the Alexandra Burke singles so far and we like this one too.”

Pop Boi says: “The new video takes the cake on cheese-factor”

Swear I’m Not Paul says: “It’s chirpy but banal, and extremely unlistenable. Repeated listens only make it worse. “

View full post on BBC – Chart blog