Taub Judah Entertainment Palace

I wasn’t supposed to be writing about this. There are singles out next week by more notable chart starts with proper pedigrees and stuff; Paolo Nutini, for example, or Plan B. Hell, the Manic Street Preachers have even joined forces with Ian McCulloch from Echo and the Bunnymen (ask your dad), so that’s like a dadrock BOGOF right there.

And it’s not like songs which share common wordal territory with the theme song to Dirty Dancing have been a big hit in my house recently either. Poor old Wolfy has a big job ahead of him if he’s to leapfrog over that lot and secure the all-important ChartBlog seal of approval.

It’s a real seal too, with flippers and a honky-horn and everything.

(Here’s the video. It does exactly what it says on the screen.)

Luckily, he’s more than managed it. And while it is no achievement at all to write a better song than its Black Eyed Peas namesake – the seal of approval has just written two and, he’s only got the one instrument – ‘Time of My Life’ also manages to play the other chart veterans at their own, mature game, and win.

In the past, young Patrick has suffered a little from an excess of personality in his musical endeavours. Writing a whole album on violin and baritone ukulele while strolling around the cliffs of Cornwall, for example. Or making an unabashed day-glo camp pop glitterball of an album and having to watch, downcast, as Mika swanned off to global fame doing much the same thing (only less well).

But this is not that Patrick Wolf. This Patrick Wolf has a determined set to his jaw, and hard-won wisdom in his eye. His new music is sleek and muscular, romantic and passionate. It’s as immaculately arranged as always – dramatic handclaps here, swooshing strings overhead, gently strummed uke behind – but with all of his guns facing in the same direction for once.

Recommended to anyone who has exhausted the pleasures of the Hurts album already, and seal-owners everywhere.

Download: December 6th

patrickwolf.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

Sputnik Music says: “I am incredibly happy because I love him more than words can express”

Pretty Much Amazing says: “Over wide-open violin, Wolf declares “Happy without you” like he doesn’t entirely believe it, but has to.”

View full post on BBC – Chart blog

A confession: I’m not sure if I would recognise a bad Shakira song if it came along and introduced itself, wearing a name-badge and announced that it was following me on Twitter, user name @badshakirasong. I could offer a thought about whether I like it or not, I could have a go at pointing out the bits which do not quite work (like the “awoo” in ‘She Wolf’), but I get the sense that the success (or otherwise) of her best and worst work is based on a series of criteria which are very different to those used to judge other music, some of which I’m only dimly aware of.

Or, to put it another way, when she’s good, it is sometimes by doing things which would be considered bad coming from other pop stars.

I mean listen to that chorus. The “loca loca loww-ca” bit – or “loba loba”, depending on translation – which she delivers with the same deep and trembly seriousness as the “waka waka” in her world cup song. I mean, c’mon, let’s face it…that’s a bit mad, isn’t it? A little too crackers?

But at the same time, it’s kind of great. Or is it? I can’t tell.

(Here’s the video. It’s wheely, wheely good.)

I mean yes, it’s the kind of slightly unhinged, but massively sugary thing that only Shakira seems to be able to get away with. Lady Gaga and Cheryl Cole might have their own glassy-eyed chants, but they’re delivered with high gothic camp – drama and comedy rolled together in a self-aware, tongue-in-cheek way. Shakira’s chants are different because they’re warmer, nicer. She really means it.

And that’s basically fine when you’re in Shakiraworld, which is a lot like Hogwarts or Narnia. Stuff happens there which does not make sense in our reality. But it’s a beguiling spectacle nonetheless, and it’s a version of reality which we would LIKE to exist, it’s lovely to have a little wallow in it. The trick is to avoid getting so smitten with it, you find yourself donning wizard’s robes and heading out into the back garden to play a game of Quidditch.

Enter Dizzee Rascal. The voice of reality; the pin to Shakey’s balloon. His guest verse begins with “that girl is a nutter”, because that is what the song is about. But it’s also what listening to Shakira is like.

OK, so he then goes on to ramble a verse out in which he seeks to step through the back of the wardrobe and join in the fun. It’s all good, he’s up for a bit of crazy in his life, it’s an honour to be asked (he doesn’t really say that, but that’s what he means). He may as well be shouting “whee! Look at me! I’m on a broomstick!” for all the good it does.

Meanwhile Shakira, who has possibly never met Dizzee Rascal, just dances off into the sunset, surrounded by a cloud of dancing pixie-wolves in tutus and galoshes.

Download: Out now

www.shakira.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

PS: Someone needs to do a ‘Newport State Of Mind’-style parody of this, and call it ‘Local’…

Club Fonogramma says: “We all know her English-language are as meaningful as a hipster’s scarf”

Accidental Sexiness says: “Who knew that when you combine salsa beats and lyrics by British rapper Dizzee Rascal you would get a masterpiece?”

View full post on BBC – Chart blog

It’s OK, Alexandra, you can come out now. No point in skulking around the lower reaches of the charts for weeks on end, with your download sales and your softly-softly-catchee-monkey stealth attack on the Top 10, when you’re effectively melting faces with that heat-blast of a throat.

We know you’re there, we can hear you from Timbuktu to Tiverton, you’re rattling the paint off the walls in any case, so you might as well come out and say hello to everyone.

What’s that? You’re a little too upset to be friendly right now? You’re all caught up in emoting, and wailing, and attempting to dissolve your bad boyfriend using the erosive power of bellowing alone? Well, alrighty then, you go for it…

Ber-LIME-y, you ARE fed up, aren’t you chicken? That man you’re shouting at has left you in a serious funk, hasn’t he? And you’re clearly in a place where it’s become necesarry to scream your aggravation to the uncaring clouds above, in order to take the lid off of quite a lot of pent-up frustration. And you’ve brought some friends along too, to form a choir. I’m guessing they will largely be women who have similar problems with their menfolk, if their rolling, boiling harmonies are anything to go by.

Luckily there are men in your life you can rely on. That RedOne, for example. Look how supportive he has turned out to be. He’s only gone and made you a sympathetic, synthetic, symphonic sonic comfort zone in which you can express these troubled feelings in total safety and without fear of mockery. He’s furnished it with soft, peaceful colours, very tastefully done. Nothing too bright and intrusive, apart from one clod-hopping drum beat. That’s a true friend, right there.

I wonder, though. If your man did suddenly turn around and say “oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you were this upset. I DO love you after all”, well would that make everything alright? What kind of relationship do you have if you have to throw a tantrum quite this big in order to get some affection? A rubbish one, that’s what.

OK? Feel better now? *hugs*

Right, off you pop then.

Download: Out now

www.alexandraburkeofficial.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

Diva Devotee says: “Her voice certainly has matured, sounding stronger and richer than when she was a contestant on the show.”

Music Reviews 10 says: “I expected a lot more from the video though. At least the song is good..”

Kat says: “aggrosantos”

View full post on BBC – Chart blog

Nothing gets in the way of the X Factor. As a TV event that becomes a real-life EVENT event, the show continues to be an unstoppable force which will either squash or absorb everything in its path.

It’s like a jelly juggernaut with a blue whale on top, rolling down a steep hill in a paper town, with no brakes and a push at the top from Brian Blessed. Raise a hand in protest, it’ll just roll over you. Try and ignore it, and you’ll end up with flattened feet. Jump on board, and you become part of its rolling mass, making it faster and heavier than ever before.

Oh sure, it leaves a trail of squashed and bewildered people in its wake. All of whom thought they knew what they were doing when they hitched a ride, and none of whom are quite sure what happened to make them lose their grip so quickly, but there are always more passengers to pick up, more customers to hoick in.

Even the people who stand in direct opposition, the people who wish most to stop the thing, are also adding fuel to the engines by caring about it in the first place. So long as there is attention on this one TV show and the talented people it hopes to find, it will continue to run, and it will continue to do whatever it wants, in the name of satisfying public demand.

What’s confusing, especially to someone who can’t watch it (I honestly find the mix of ambition, disappointment, ruined dreams, karaoke, deliberate selling-out of your own life history to gain votes, scathing critique, stupid critique, self-regard, smugness, cruelty and freak-show giggling so upsetting it keeps me awake nights) is quite what this Matt fellow has done to win so much public support.

I’m assuming he’s been very, very brilliant in the backstage bits, cos on the evidence of this song, he sure as hell can’t sing.

Never mind that this is a Biffy Clyro song, that it’s about a curdled relationship with an obsessive edge, that it already exists in a pretty damn-near perfect form – sung by a man who knows how the tune goes – and that it already had a perfectly serviceable title in ‘Many Of Horror’. To object to the idea of this cover without hearing it is as far removed from an appreciation of music as, well, the show itself.

Watching Matt perform the song – the performance is here, on his website – is not a fun thing to do. Listen to him slide around all over the notes like a giraffe on a frozen pond. Marvel at his thin, reedy voice. Whoever came up with this probably should’ve run through it with him a few times first, surely? I mean I’m not sure how these things work, but I’d say that would be a good first step.

The second step might be to check that the Westlife Key Change moment doesn’t stretch the poor lad’s voice even further, into sonic territory which could be described as ‘just plain unpleasant’, if it were even possible to listen to the whole thing without running out of the room. That last high note? The bit where he falls to his knees and really goes for the climactic BOOM? Yeah, that’s horrible.

Of course, it’d be tempting to run off a big rant about how much harm this is doing to real music, because the public are being conned into believing this is good music when it’s not really good music even though the original song is good music but it’s being turned into bad music by evil people who want to hurt good music because it doesn’t make them any money. Some people really want to believe that this is the case, but it’s probably not true.

All you can really say is that this is a song from a TV show. A TV show which places a premium on telling a story, one that starts with many and ends with one. What that one person goes on to do afterwards isn’t really part of the story. It’s interesting, in the sense that Harry Potter fans might like to know what Book 8 would be like, but it’s not really that important. The big stuff has already been and gone.

So, even though the X Factor is a real event, the reality of the show – that Matt Cardle is the best singer of the year – is not the reality of, y’know, reality - not by a LONG shot. Sometimes the two things do coincide – Leona Lewis, Alexandra Burke – but it doesn’t really matter to the story if they don’t.

As for the No.1 thing…well it’ll make a nice Christmas present for Biffy Clyro. Anyone who cares more about chart positions than the songs the positions represent isn’t exactly serving music all that well either.

Download: Out now

www.mattcardlemusic.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

Popjustice says: “A charisma black hole with a lovely voice used mainly to sing songs made famous by ladies while wielding a crap acoustic guitar.”

Digital Spy says: “The boy really does have a good recording voice.”

The Dam Nation says: “At first, I thought it was a dud but I’m loving it now after each subsequent listen.”

View full post on BBC – Chart blog

I tell you what gets my goat about the Drums, right; nice tunes and all that, a decent, spirited attempt to re-create the spirit of ’80s indie; and ’80s indie was always half-obsessed with ’60s surf-pop anyway. The turn-ups and sneakers are also painstakingly accurate. They’ve really done their homework.

Buuut, as a group of young men, they so very clearly do not want anyone to make the mistake of believing that they like doing what they do, in case anyone then goes on to extrapolate that this puts them on a showbiz par with, say, Justin Bieber.

(Which is also something of an ’80s indie hangover, sad to say.)

And worse, being serious hipsters, they do come across at times as if they’re above the people who are foolish enough to be carried away by their music. I really, really hope that this is not the case, they do seem to go out of their way to provide evidence for the prosecution at every turn.

Warm and welcoming performers, they are not.

(Here’s the video. STAND UP STRAIGHT BOY! SING PROPERLY!)

Look at that video. Does that look like fun? Could any three young men make the job of being the stars in their own promotional film about their own music look any more like a tiresome chore?

“Dude, what’ve we gotta do NOW? Like, lift this blanket? Oh whatever. I’m totally dropping it”

“You want me to what? Dance? Sing? Oh GOD! Can’t someone ELSE do it? Right well I’m not gonna do it PROPERLY, people will think it was my idea.”

And so on, and so on, and so on…

Their collective demeanour is that of a bunch of sulky teens who have been forced into being a lame-ass pop band by their dad, singing stupid trite nonsense about moons and girls, when they would all rather be in a metal band, singing about killing Orcs with a massive sword, and the righteous cleansing fire of rock.

And it’s a real shame, because any fool can make music which is angry or dark or grunty, it’s a LOT harder to make something light and fun and pretty, because you’re always on the knife-edge between that and stupid/insipid/drippy.

Or, to put it like your gran would put it; if a job’s worth doing, it’s worth doing PROPERLY.

Download: Out now

thedrums.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

Stereogum says: “Matthew Dear’s remix is way more Matthew Dear like.”

BlahBlahBlahScience says: “The Clock Opera kids flip this new Drums single, [which] comes to us as one in a series of four new remixes released to accompany the new ‘Me & the Moon’ release.”

View full post on BBC – Chart blog

It might just be the festive season, it might be that goodwill to all men is seeping from every shop stereo system, and I’m getting a bit soft, but maybe there is something to this Pretty Reckless malarkey after all.

OK, so she’s a bit of a copycat, and possibly should tone down the ‘tude a bit until she’s found her own voice – instead of using someone else’s and pouring withering scorn on the pop world for being shallow and sensationalist – but is anyone else starting to really warm to Taylor Momsen and her band?

You can’t really ignore the fact that she’s only 17, that probably explains a lot in terms of the OTT gothic nonsense, and the describing yourself according to that which you are not. When you’re still trying to work out who you are, using other people as a handrail is very helpful indeed.

(Here’s the video. That’s the worst case of conjunctivitis I’ve ever seen.)

And that voice is ageless anyway. It’s deep and weary, even deeper and more weary in a thoughtful, hurt sort of a song like this than it was in ‘Miss Nothing’, cos that song was a provocative poke in the chest for The Haterz, and this is a far more vulnerable sort of a thing.

You can still see where things have been squished into a mould though. The moody verses which really should have a cello sawing away in the background DO have a cello sawing away in the background. The chorus which should hit like a brick wall of huge sonic mass hits like a brick wall. Everything is present and correct, following a formula laid down in fragments by everyone from the Smashing Pumpkins and Nirvana to Evanescence and Paramore.

But where other Pretty Reckless songs tend to play with the idea of shallow celebrity and identity in a manner which can be rather annoying, coming from a bratty LA actress, this plays straight – from the heart to the heart – and is all the better for it.

Download: Out now

www.theprettyreckless.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

PS: *SPLUTTERS* PRETTY RECKLESS! LIVE LOUNGE!

Hive says: “I personally give Taylor credit for her antics and not caring what the press think of her, good on her to be so bold.”

The Sound Alarm says: “Momsen prides herself on not being like every other sixteen year old”

That Guy With The Glasses says: “SHE IS NOTHING LIKE COURTNEY [LOVE] OR CHERRIE [CURRIE]“

View full post on BBC – Chart blog

Poise and mystique are wonderful: more useful to a pop star’s life than towels and hot honey drinks.

Sometimes Hurts appear to have struck a deal in which they exchange everything other acts rely on – colour photography, songs about clubs, amazing choruses – for extra helpings of statuesque and aloof. It’s not a bad deal, but it does set a high bar for their music to leap over. Unfortunately, as far as these flappy ears can work out, their output thus far has struggled to do much more than knock the thing onto the crashmat with its face, and then, before anyone can giggle, blusteringly pretend that this is what was supposed to happen all along.

There has, however, been something of a penny-drop happening around this song. I’m starting to get what some of the fuss around Hurts might be about.

Apart from the poise and mystique stuff, obv. That was always great from the get-go.

(Here’s the video. It’s a swan wake.)

It’s partly that this really does have an amazing chorus, and on a Christmas single to boot. Great Christmas singles need to have amazing choruses, if only because so many of the poorer ones seem to come from a decision to make a festive hit at any cost, not from a good idea for a song.

It’s also partly because there is no better time to put out a mournful, dignified song about feeling slightly left out of a party, than right now. You get to throw in the tubular bells, the sleighbells, the twinkling piano and the booming drums, and all of that mournful huffing, and it sounds both magical and deep.

And if you know your Christmas pop, that piano is the key to things. It is repetitive and insistent, driving and fizzy, not unlike the piano in Bruce Springsteen’s astonishing version of ‘Santa Claus is Coming To Town’. Which means it tips the nod towards one of the best Christmas songs ever ever ever.

To have all that joy as a backdrop, and then set off on a long lonesome journey through the happiest and most sociable time of the year, and then to arrive under the banner of a funny title…well that’s the glitter on the ribbon on the wrapping paper on the expensive present, right there.

Download: Out now

www.informationhurts.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

Buzzin Pop Music says: “Happy yet dark and with a nostalgic Christmas feel”

Popjustice says: “Massive chorus, job done”

View full post on BBC – Chart blog

The Story So Far: last time we heard from our intrepid threesome, they were bouncing about in front of a private jet, hoping to find that special someone; a partner for life, a soul-mate…or in Dappy’s case, a decent housekeeper. Their loneliness was threatening to overshadow the greatest joy in their young lives, namely being in N-Dubz. Sad faces all round.

Now, everything has changed. Having opened the big wooden gates to Castle Dubskull, and exposed the fragile, sensitive souls within, the huge portcullis has come crashing back down again, and anyone who gets too close risks being shot by archers, or covered in boiling oil.

Not that any of them seem to be any less lonely, you understand. It’s just they’ve found a new way to cope with it. It’s called showing off.

(Here’s the video. King Dappy is on his kissythrone.)

How else are we supposed to react to a song in which each member of the troupe explores their own version of being addicted to the opposite sex, by bragging at length about how much the opposite sex is addicted to them?

Dappy dangles the carrot of possibly falling in love, in order to commence falling into bed. But he does stress any potential candidates for his time should not get their hopes up. It’s not that he CAN’T love you, it’s more that he PROBABLY WON’T.

Tulisa, meanwhile, calmly explains that she’s simply too hot and busy to be bothered by all of those randy guys, and doesn’t need to be taken anywhere flash or expensive, bearing in mind she’s a bloody great pop star, she’s already in the VIP lounge, sipping on something ridiculous. You can try, but she’s only going to ignore you, you miserable worm.

And Fazer? Well Fazer knows he’s a bad dog. He knows that he can’t be trusted, and that even though being left on his own breaks his little heart, it won’t stop him chewing up the furniture while he waits – in vain – for his mistress to return. You knew the risks when you invited him into your home in the first place.

I’m not sure how any of this makes our heroes more loveable in the long run, but at least their jellified inner selves are safe from further heartbreak. That’s for other people to have to deal with.

Download: Out now

www.ndubz.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

Seven Foot Sounds says: “N-Dubz have been quite successful in the UK, but their latest few singles have really been special or unique.”

DJ Garthy says: “A slick celebration of the female form, showcasing edgy beats and tough lyrics reminiscent of early N-Dubz hits.”

View full post on BBC – Chart blog

(Here isn’t the video.)

                                                                                                                                                                 Download: December 13th
www.catm.co.uk
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

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View full post on BBC – Chart blog

Had I not actually bothered to check, I’d have said right away that this bears the musical fingerprint of Jake Shears out of the Scissor Sisters. It’s got that ‘Laura’ bounce, that slightly perkier-than-you-might-want electro zinginess, that strutting disco pimp-roll thing. And the bit where Kylie goes way up high? Well you’ve heard the verses to ‘I Don’t Feel Like Dancing’ right? Sonically similar, is what I am saying.

And we know they’re mates, Kylie and Jake, AND they’ve worked together before. I would be willing to go out on a limb and place (a small amount of) good money on this having a Shears co-writing credit at the very LEAST.

Or at least, I would have if I hadn’t gone to investigate a bit first. Turns out it’s a Nerina Pallot song, from last year. Bah.

(Here’s the video. “…and on lead guitar…PAC-MAN!”)

Now, I’m not here to cast aspersions on Kylie Minogue’s taste in music. As far as I’m concerned, she’s a force for good in the world of popular song, having proven herself time and again as an interpreter and deliverer of great songs. She’s basically the pizza delivery girl of quality pop, only with a bigger wardrobe of smaller clothes (and definitely no pizza).

Buut…there’s something about the relentless swaggering momentum of this song which gets a little wearing. At some point, something ELSE needs to happen, y’see. No matter how many times Kylie’s voice swoops up high and skips back down again, no matter how firmly she pushes herself into those demanding choruses; it begins like Tigger and ends like a route march around an aerobics class.

Which is great if you are a) Tiggerish or b) doing aerobics in the army, but not so brilliant if you’re more of a low-stamina Eeyore instead.

Download: Out now

www.kylie.com
BBC Music page

(Fraser McAlpine)

Popjustice says: “We were slightly alarmed at the choice of ‘Better Than Today’ for the third single from ‘Aphrodite’ but we have now got used to the idea.”

Pink Is The New Blog says: “LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!”

Music Is My King-Sized Bed says: “Is ‘Better Than Today’ my favorite song off of Kylie’s ‘Aphrodite’ album? No. “

View full post on BBC – Chart blog